'My brother's fiancée is too young and hot, I don't want her to join our family'

A woman has asked an advice columnist for her thoughts after admitting she hates her brother's 'young, hot fiancé' – and she wasn't prepared for the response

A disgruntled woman has been shamed for mocking her soon-to-be sister-in-law for being attractive, successful, and generous. Admitting she 'can't stand her brother's fiancée', the woman wrote a letter to Carolyn Hanley Hax, an American writer and columnist for The Washington Post explaining exactly why she shouldn't be allowed to join her family.

But Carolyn gave her a stark wake-up call, saying she needed to take a long hard look at herself because she's the problem. In the letter, she wrote: “One weekend last summer we all stayed with him. And I cannot stand his fiancée.”

Admitting part of her dislike towards the woman is based on her age and belief system, she added: "My brother is 37, and she is 26. He is a doctor, and I think he focused on getting established, and when he wanted to have kids, he picked a younger woman. I have a lot of female friends in their 30s who describe dating as very hard, specifically because men want younger women.”

She also referred to her as a ‘Stepford wife’, a derogatory term used for a submissive wife who seems to conform to the stereotype of an old-fashioned subservient role in a relationship to her husband, while belittling her for being organised.

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“She is a teacher and was off for the summer. Their entire house was clean and organised, she had meals or local restaurants planned, she made activities suggestions for our other brother’s kids, and looked incredible — thin, young, hot. It feels like my smart, accomplished brother picked a young, hot woman instead of somebody his own age who is too busy with a career to put cereal in plastic bins.”

She also admitted that, while she had agreed to be a bridesmaid because: “I couldn’t think of a way to say no,” she was unsure how she could fake it for an entire wedding. She ended her anonymous letter saying: “My husband just says: ‘She was very nice to us,’ which is true if you just look at the surface. I need help not tearing my hair out.”

After her comments clearly hit a nerve, Carolyn resounded by saying: “Please reread your letter. It is ageist, petty, cruel, bedazzled with cheap assumptions and ungrateful to the point of comedy. Your brother chose, from your description, a kind, generous, inclusive and conscientious person with one of the most difficult, underpaid and self-sacrificing careers out there, and she busted her shapely backside to host you all — and you hate her for her looks. Holy tap-dancing mean.”

She continued by asking her: “If she were 26 and fat, would you like her then? Or still thin, but 36? What about 26, thin, leaves dishes stacked in the sink? Unthreatening enough? You offer no examples of her being thoughtless, destructive, mean, passive-aggressive, dishonest.”

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She also berated the sister for correlating one man’s choice of woman with collective female suffering, saying it gave her: “'Domestic supply of infants' flashbacks that I could have done without today. You can worry about demographic trends, yes — but using trends to impugn individual choices and presume you’d make better ones crosses just about all the lines. Here’s my advice: Sit with your reasons for trashing her — and some reasons not to — for a good, long time.”

The anonymous letter also caused an online outrage, with readers rapidly expressing their opinions: “Please stop judging people’s life choices, especially women’s,” said one. “Sisters need to pull together instead of tearing each other down.”

Another said: “As a married working mum, who at 37 still had time to buy cereal in bulk and decant it into storage bins, I am struck by just how many insecurities the fiancée brings out in Anonymous. Actually hating a person for their age and approach to housekeeping looks like misplaced energy.”

Another admitted to fighting the urge to hate thin, young, beautiful and competent women herself: "One thing that helps me is remembering that it is society’s fault for suggesting humans only have worth if they are young, conventionally beautiful, productive, etc. That is not true. Don’t hate the future fiancée, hate the systems that make you want to hate her!”